What Next? By Nneji Amako

“Have you heard? Fuel is about to hit N2,000 per litre.”

“Wait, what? You can’t be serious!”

“I’m dead serious. At this point, you might as well start converting your car to run on rainwater. Someone said it on the news this morning, and I don’t think it’s far from the truth. Look around. NNPC just stopped selling to independent marketers, and now we have people hiking prices like it’s a sprint competition.”

“This country is really something else. First, they tell us removing subsidy is the solution. ‘We need to let market forces decide,’ they said. And now? People can’t even afford to go to the market! The only forces I’m seeing are the ones forcing us to trek.”

“And you know the funny thing? They’ve already found someone to blame. I was watching the news earlier—ruling party members are busy pointing fingers at NNPC and the Minister of State for Petroleum. Of course, they’re making sure to protect Baba in Aso Rock. He’s the Minister of Petroleum too, but somehow, he’s not involved in this wahala.”

“Typical! The president gets a free pass, as always. They’ll say he’s not responsible, even though he signed off on everything. It’s always the same story. When things go wrong, it’s someone else’s fault. But when it’s time to take credit, everybody rushes to the front.”

“And while they’re playing their blame game, we’re the ones suffering. Look at the keke riders. They’ve gone on strike in Delta State, protesting fuel prices. Commuters were stranded, trekking long distances like it’s 1950.”

“I even heard some people are now using bicycles to work. If this continues, we’ll soon see businessmen in suits riding roller skates to the office. That’s how bad things are getting.”

“It’s not just transport. Have you noticed how food prices have skyrocketed too? Traders are doubling the price of garri, tomatoes, and even sachet water! They say it’s because of the fuel hike, but who’s regulating that? It’s a free-for-all.”

“Of course! When fuel goes up, everything else follows. It’s not just a chain reaction—it’s a disaster waiting to happen. The same government that tells us to be patient, to ‘tighten our belts,’ doesn’t seem to notice that some people can’t even afford belts anymore!”

“And when you hear them explain it, they sound like they’re doing us a favor. ‘We’re following global trends,’ they say. Which global trends? I haven’t seen any country where people are queuing for hours just to buy fuel at N1,200 per litre.”

“That’s the magic of our system. Things disappear as quickly as they appear. Maybe the fuel is on a secret mission abroad. You know, global market and all. Maybe they’re exporting it to Mars, who knows?”

“Well, at this rate, I won’t be surprised if they start selling fuel by the millilitre. Soon, we’ll be going to the station with measuring spoons, asking for ‘just enough fuel to watch half a movie on the generator, abeg.’”

“Meanwhile, they’ll keep telling us we’re lucky to have any fuel at all. If we don’t thank them, we’ll be accused of being ungrateful. After all, who needs basic needs when you have government press conferences full of excuses?”

“And you know what’s worse? Small businesses are collapsing under this fuel hike. The tailor down my street had to close up shop yesterday. He said he couldn’t afford to keep his generator running.”

“And who’s talking about people’s salaries? While fuel prices are climbing faster than athletes in a high jump competition, salaries are stuck in the mud. Minimum wage hasn’t moved an inch, but they expect us to survive. How exactly?”

“I hear some companies are laying off staff because they can’t afford transport costs for their employees. Imagine that—people losing their jobs because they can’t afford to come to work.”

“And while businesses shut down, the government keeps telling us that things will get better. They keep throwing around big words like ‘reform,’ ‘subsidy removal,’ and ‘economic diversification.’ But when you ask them when exactly things will improve, suddenly, they have no answer.”

“It’s like they’re hoping we won’t notice how little sense any of it makes. Maybe we should all just stop asking questions and start praying for a miracle. After all, at this point, we need divine intervention to keep surviving in this economy.”

“Divine intervention or teleportation! With fuel prices like this, we might as well skip transport and start teleporting. Maybe that’s the real reform they’ve been hiding from us.”