Funniest Phone Call, By Sir Favour Nneji Amako

My phone buzzed on my desk, it was one of President Bola Tinubu’s Ministers calling. I couldn’t help but grin, knowing this conversation would be both enlightening and entertaining.

Me: (Cheerfully) Hello, Minister! What’s the latest from the high seat of power? The youth seem a bit… restless these days.

Minister: (With a chuckle) Yes, indeed. The youth are quite vocal lately. But fear not, President Tinubu is very much aware and wants them to know he’s listening.

Me: (Feigning surprise) Listening, you say? That’s a refreshing change. So, what’s the grand plan? Free concert tickets for all or perhaps a day off to cool their nerves?

Minister: (Laughs) Not quite, but we’ve got something equally substantial—grains and rice! The Federal Government ensured these were delivered promptly to state governments. It’s our way of saying, “We hear you, and here’s something to chew on.”

Me: (Amused) Ah, the good old “food diplomacy.” Because nothing says “I care” like a bag of rice. But what’s the real plan for the youth? A job with every bag of rice, maybe?

Minister: (Grinning) well, beyond the rice, we’re rolling out the Student Loan Board. Every eligible student can access tertiary education, no matter their financial background. The Nigerian Education Loan Fund is ready and waiting. It’s like a golden ticket—if you don’t mind a little debt.

Me: (Feigning awe) Wow, so a lifetime of paying off loans as a reward for studying! How generous! But seriously, what happens after they graduate? Is the plan for them to just sit around and wait for something to happen?

Minister: (With a smile, but clearly trying to be serious) Not at all! The President is also focusing on supporting young graduates who haven’t found jobs post-NYSC. We’re creating a safety net to ensure no one feels abandoned. It’s all about giving them hope and a sense of purpose… even if the job market isn’t exactly booming right now.

Me: (Grinning) so, the grand vision is to keep them hopeful and fed until… what, the next election? But seriously, why do some young people actually believe these promises?

Minister: (With a hint of defensiveness) it’s not just about promises. The President is genuinely committed to change. It’s about hard work and dedication. We’re making tangible efforts—investments in infrastructure, creating opportunities, and more. Sometimes, the progress isn’t immediately visible, but it’s happening. We just need the people to trust us and give us time.

Me: (Mockingly) Ah, yes, the invisible progress! The best kind. So, we’re asking people to have faith in the unseen improvements while enjoying their rice and contemplating their future student loan payments?

Minister: (A bit more serious) It’s more than just faith. It’s about understanding that real change takes time. The President is working tirelessly, and the government is doing everything possible to make a difference. It’s not just about quick fixes; it’s about sustainable development.

Me: (Playfully) Sustainable development and sustainable patience, it seems! Well, here’s hoping the youth have the patience of saints. Thanks for the update, Minister. Always a pleasure to hear about the grand plans.

Minister: (Smiling, but with a hint of weariness) The pleasure’s mine. And believe me, the best is yet to come. We’re committed to making a real difference.

Me: (With a mischievous grin) I must say, Minister, the way the government keeps adding layers to this narrative, it’s like a never-ending series of a soap opera. I can’t wait for the next twist—maybe free plantains with the rice? That’ll surely seal the deal!

Minister: (Laughing) Ah, if only it were that simple! But we have to stay creative in our solutions. After all, we’re in the business of keeping hope alive, and sometimes that means thinking outside the box—or the bag of rice!

Me: (Mocking surprise) Thinking outside the bag of rice? Now that’s an idea! Maybe we can start a new program: “Hope in Every Bag.” Get your rice, a side of inspiration, and a dash of optimism all in one go!

Minister: (Chuckling) you’re quite the comedian! But on a serious note, we are working on more comprehensive plans. The President is aware that feeding people is just the start. We need to create real opportunities for the youth. It’s a marathon, not a sprint.

Me: (Playfully) Well, Minister, let’s hope it’s not a marathon through a desert! But seriously, I appreciate the update. Here’s to hoping that next time we talk, it’s not just about rice but about real progress—maybe even some job announcements?

Minister: (smiling earnestly) That’s the goal. We’re committed to turning these plans into reality. It’s a tough road, but we’re in it for the long haul. Thanks for your time, and keep the faith!

@  Sir Favour Nneji Amako is a Youth Pastor, Journalist, Public Commentator  and Communication Scholar