August 1st: Protests, Placards, and Unexpected Romance, By Sir Favour Nneji Amako

It was a typical humid July afternoon when I met Tunde at our favorite café. The nationwide protest scheduled for August 1st was the hot topic on everyone’s lips, and we were no exception.

“I heard about the protest starting on August 1st,” I said.  “It’s like the grand parade of disgruntled citizens.”

“Oh yes,” Tunde replied with a grin. “It’s like a national festival but with more placards and less dancing. Quite exciting, don’t you think?”

“Absolutely,” I chuckled. “And can you believe the House of Representatives has decided to take a six-month pay cut to address hunger? So generous of them to sacrifice their extravagant lunches for the common folk!”

“Truly inspiring,” Tunde said, rolling his eyes. “I’m sure their trimmed salaries will single-handedly eliminate hunger. Who needs comprehensive policies when you have token gestures?”

“Speaking of gestures,” I continued, “isn’t it heartwarming how the Ohaneze Ndigbo are telling the Igbos not to join the protest? It’s like they’re saying, ‘Why bother? Just stay home and enjoy the show.”

“Oh, indeed,” Tunde nodded. “And it’s so touching to see the North advocating for the Yorubas to protest against Tinubu, considering they were so supportive during the EndSARS protests. Solidarity at its finest.”

“Yes, the same North that conveniently shunned the EndSARS protests because Buhari was from the North,” I added. “Now they are the epitome of impartiality, encouraging protests from the comfort of their armchairs.”

“And let’s not forget the new 70,000 minimum wage,” Tunde said. “Such a generous figure. I’m sure that will allow everyone to afford their daily caviar and champagne breakfasts.”

“Oh, absolutely,” I agreed, laughing. “It’s practically a golden ticket to a life of luxury. I’m already planning my next vacation to Dubai with all that extra cash.”

“And the timing of this protest during rainy season,  is impeccable,” Tunde noted. “Nothing says effective demonstration like drenched placards and soggy shoes.”

“Yes, and the mud will add a rustic touch to the whole affair,” I said. “Maybe they’ll even sell tickets to this spectacle.”

“Why not?” Tunde shrugged. “It could be the next big reality show. ‘Survivor: Protest Edition.’ Contestants battle hunger, police batons, and the elements.”

“Brilliant!” I exclaimed. “And the winner gets a lifetime supply of promises from the government. Now that’s a prize worth fighting for.”

“Indeed,” Tunde agreed. “Although, I wouldn’t be surprised if the government pulls their usual stunt and gets a court order to ban the protest on the eve of it. Classic move.”

“True,” I said, shaking my head. “That’s their go-to play. Nothing like a last-minute legal maneuver to keep things interesting. Maybe our courts will take a cue from Kenya’s judiciary, which ruled that the police have no right to ban protests. Now that would be something.”

“You know,” I added, leaning in conspiratorially, “I heard that during these protests, people actually fall in love and even get married. Nothing like a bit of romance amid the chaos.”

Tunde laughed. “Ah, yes, the protest matchmaking service. ‘Find your soulmate while fighting for justice!’ Who knew teargas could be so romantic?”

“Exactly,” I laughed. “Picture it: ‘We met over a barricade and shared our first kiss while dodging rubber bullets. It was love at first protest.'”

“Who needs dating apps when you have civil unrest?” Tunde added. “Swipe right on revolution!”

“And then there’s the guy who snatched someone’s wife during the last nationwide protest,” I said, shaking my head. “Love truly knows no bounds when you’re armed with a placard and a megaphone.”

Tunde grinned. “Ah yes, nothing says romance like political turmoil and opportunistic love triangles.”

“But on a serious note, Tunde,” I said, my tone shifting, “protests like these shouldn’t be taken for granted. They are not just an excuse for a public spectacle. The grievances of the people are real and need to be addressed.”

“Absolutely,” Tunde nodded, his smile fading. “Our leaders need to understand that these protests are a cry for help, a demand for justice and meaningful change. Ignoring them or dismissing them with court orders only fuels the frustration and anger.”

“Exactly,” I agreed. “If our leaders continue to disregard the voices of the people, the consequences could be dire. This protest is an opportunity for them to listen and take action.”

“So, shall we join the protest?” Tunde asked, looking determined. “It sounds like the event of the decade, but also a crucial moment for our country.”

@  Sir Favour Nneji Amako is a Youth Pastor, Journalist, Public Commentator  and Communication Scholar